Perfect Moment Monday-June 2013-Bullseye!

Yes, I know it is no longer Monday...like many things these days, the best of intentions are derailed by playtime.   Here is the thing my six year old Munchkin WANTS to play with ME.  He always has, but at this age, I know this childhood bliss is limited and mom will soon be second fiddle to a whole bunch of things-so I will soak it in while I can!

So here is my perfect moment from the month. 

Munchkin is now a Cub Scout, which means that he was eligible to attend Cub Scout Camp.  He has been looking forward to it for an entire year, ever since his cousin who is a year older went last summer and has raved about how cool it was.  To a six year old that means the world. 

Let me tell you, it lived up to the childhood hype.  The camp was impeccably run.  The kids had a great time.   Now mind you,  my Munchkin was the youngest and smallest one there and also the only one to not have been exposed to a lot of the activities previously as the other first time kids had older brothers in the pack and have been before.  Like Archery for example.

Scouts run things in a manner in which you have to earn things (like arrowheads for bullseyes and bear claws for bullseyes on the bb gun range).  This means that starting out the week, Munchkin had BIG things at stake for a six year old.  When we started, he absolutely could not hit a target to save his life.  He was crushed when he came off that range empty handed.   It did not matter to him that less than 1/2 of our pack earned a prize, all that mattered was that he did not.  He was in tears.  My heart broke for him.  His cousin a year older told him that it would be ok, that by the end of the week he would be able to make a bullseye and get a prize. 

Those words coming from his cousin meant more to me than anything.   That another child would show such open compassion-that is nearly a perfect world.  There was not taunting, no name calling not any of that.  Simply his cousin's arm around his shoulder as he wiped his tears and the two of them walking towards my brother and I. 

And you know what, by the end of the week, he did in fact earn his prize and there was not a prouder kiddo or parent at that camp. 


Below are a few reminders about Perfect Moment Monday:

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Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.
On the last Monday of each month we engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join.
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The Spotlight

Have you ever been in a room full of people and you look around and realize that you don't belong?  That for some strange reason, you are in a room full of strangers who have nothing in common with you?  It is a very isolating feeling.  

That is exactly what happened earlier this week.   Munchkin is old enough for Cub Scouts.  He is over the moon excited for this.  He has been looking forward to it since his older cousin started a year ago.  

This week was his first pack meeting.  It was crowded and loud and he made friends and had a ton of fun! He was laughing and playing and following directions.  I could not have had a happier boy on my hands.  

I on the other hand, I sat in my seat and looked around at all of the families.  I felt like there was a HUGE SPOTLIGHT on me.  Like I stood out as a sore thumb. 

Over there-yep, she is the one without a husband.  Look at her here all alone.  

I know that it is only in my brain and no one certainly did anything to make me feel this way, it is just how I feel when we go into a situation that is surrounded by families.  For some reason, I thought being in a pack with my brother and uncle would make it less so-perhaps it will over time, but it did not help this week.  I came home and I cried.  The bitter painful tears of a broken heart.  I cried for me and I cried for Robert.   See, he didn't get to do scouting.   His dad did it with his older brothers but he was never afforded the opportunity.  He never actually camped ever.  I am from a scouting family.  We are all scouts and all camp and do things and volunteer.  It is how we were raised.   Robert was so looking forward to doing scouting with his son and us as a family.  Perhaps that is really why it is so painful for me to do alone.  This was one of those preconceived family things that I am now doing by myself.  NOT FAIR! 

I also know that it isn't fair for me to hole us up indoors alone, so we go out and do things.  We join scouts, we do family activities at school.  We show up and we do.  I know that our family is not unique.  I get that.  I know there are plenty of widowed moms and dads in the world.  Just wish there was one or two kindred spirits in our circles.  Then I feel horrible for wishing that, because I would not want ANYONE to go through this heartache and pain.  I actually wish that this didn't happen in the world.  You know, you get married, you have your family, your live happily ever after and no one dies, and no one has pain and heartache and grief.  Unfortunately, the world is not full of puppies and rainbows and vanilla scented unicorn farts! It is messy and hard and painful, but it is worth it.   

This weekend is the family camp out.  We are packed and ready to go.   My brother will be staying with his son, his wife will be at home with their daughter.   From what I understand, most families will be "half" families.   This knowledge doesn't help me feel less lonely.  For some reason it makes it more so.