This weekend my cousin and his family posted that they were at a restaurant. The map showed up in my Facebook feed and it stopped me in my tracks. They were a few miles from the accident site.
After all these years, seeing the coordinates on the map still caused my heart to stop. All I could think of was how close their beautiful family was to the site that shattered my family. It was a Sunday midmorning. They were out as a family. I knew in the rational part of my brain that the similarities ended there--but my mind played the "WHAT IF" game. And as if that wasn't torture enough for me, I started having flashbacks of the accident.
I texted them to have safe travels home--I am sure that they probably knew why--all of my family knows where the accident happened.
I spent the rest of the day telling myself that everything would be fine for them. I knew that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place so to speak. In all honesty, I think it was just seeing the street name after all these years. It isn't like I have forgotten-but sometimes the reminders just reach up and grab me.
The accident played through my mind for the better part of the day. It took all of my concentration to focus on today, on the here and now. I did but this time it was harder and I am not quite sure why. I know that it is ok and I know that there are some things will always be hard--perhaps I should just learn to expect the hard every once in a while.