Friends

Right after Robert died, I lost a lot of our common friends.  I know this isn't something that I only went through, but seems to be a common thing with people who have gone through loss.   I mourned Robert and then I mourned the loss of people who were staples in our lives for years.   Some of these people who disappeared, I know that the did it for their own self preservation...I am a reminder that bad things happen.  At the time, I didn't get that.  I do now, although for me it was hard fought understanding.  

Don't get me wrong, not everyone left.  Some came from the shadows and took bigger roles and my Best Friend and her entire family filled along with my entire family filled out our needs.  I have written many times on how grateful I am for my family.  This is something different.  Something more subtle, that I didn't quite notice at first. 

Time has given me perspective that I did not see right away.   In my effort to get up everyday and function and rebuild a life for myself and preserve and defend childhood for Munchkin, people have come in droves.   Many were curious--how did he die?  how did you live?  I learned to deal with those people with a silent grace.  I politely answered questions and moved on.   At first it seemed like I did a lot of that.  Answer and move forward.  After time, I realized I didn't have to answer.  

There are new people.  People that I didn't know, many who never knew Robert. 

They have carefully planted themselves in our lives and are sticking around.   The ones who call or text just to say hi.  The ones who are really getting to know us.  Some of them have kids around Munchkin's age, other's don't. 

Some began as Robert's friends and have found their way into my inner circle.  They help me keep his memory alive and talk about him often.  Some of them even share stores with Munchkin.   Those that knew me before and after---they are special.   But this isn't really about them.  

This is about the unexpected friends---the ones that have made themselves more like family, and when they say you can count on them--they mean it. 

Our Taekwondo family is amazing....so many of the parents and instructors---I cannot even begin to describe my gratitude for everything that they have given us.  From providing fantastic non-family male role models, to teaching Munchkin qualities of character.  They are there---they are there when he or I am sick and if we need anything, there are many of them that are a text away.  

One of these Taekwondo instructors has become one of my closest friends.  She is there to laugh, cry, hang out or whatever.  With or without kids.   She steps up and listens and she is just an amazing woman.  She loves my Munchkin as one of her own and we get along very well...it is hard to imagine that I have only known her a few years--our friendship is natural and easy and I am grateful. 

There is another woman---one who over time has shown that we have very similar values and attitudes toward a lot of things.  She is sweet, kind and funny and I could not love her three boys more.   Our son's get along well and she is just such a positive calming influence.  I treasure her friendship.  

There are so many more...but the common theme here is that I would not have connected with these people if my life hadn't taken such a drastic turn.   Time has given me the ability to find *my friends* instead of our friends. 

So for those friends both old and new--thank you for being a part of our life. 

It is just stuff...

So we are in the midst of a monsoon...which means for the first time in my new house I am learning to deal with flooding.   YIPPEE!

Here is my take, my yard is flooded, my basement is wet, there is silt seeping in through the foundation.  But it is just stuff. 

I am safe, my son is safe, my family is safe.   It is just STUFF. 

The sewer is a geiser in the middle of the street, the water has receeded a bit, but we are due for more rain.  So it is likely to come back up.

I am proud of myself.  Proud of the fact that my initial reaction was the correct one.  That anything that gets wet or ruined, is just stuff.  I moved stuff out of the basement becuase I figured that pulling out wet crap would be far more difficult.   So I watched to make sure the sump pump engaged, I squeegeed up the water. I moved as much stuff upstairs as I could. I did it by myself. I didn't panic, I didn't wallow, I just did it.

Perhaps I am simply desensitized by my nomadic lifestyle since Robert died.  Perhaps that shock of losing so much stuff and so much of our stuff has made it easier for me to let it go?  I don't know what it is, but for the moment I will be grateful. 

 

That's what little boys are made of....

Oh what a whirlwind of a weekend! Party at a friends house...time with my brothers, building pinewood derby car..cooking, baking cuddling and reading!

So at this party...Munchkin learned how to climb the walls....literally. Where did he learn this? Well from his buddies...twins a year almost to the day older than him.

Tonight I'm cooking, and he calls to get my attention and was literally climbing the walls. Now, my first reaction was shock...I mean who does that? BOYS that's who! I couldn't help but laugh! See what THEY taught me mom?

I was overcome with gratitude! I mean, I am just not wired to think of these things. I never would have thought to show him the joys of climbing the wall like a spider monkey. Nope. Never. Reading, spelling, singing, cooking, cleaning...got those covered! I can even discuss gross things like snakes and spiders. Climbing...nope not even on my radar!

The fact that we are surrounded by people that love us enough to accept us still, well it is beyond words. Why do I say still? Because, this is the same family that in 2008 and 2009 graciously welcomed us constantly into their home, listened to my sobs, tears and fears, and they still don't slam the door and turn off the lights :) When I say constantly, I mean constantly. Like almost daily. When I say sobs, I mean the horrible messy sobs that necessitated the husband taking all five kids (their four and my one) outside or on a walk while she sat with me and listened. The ones who answer the phone and texts for help regularly and I'm pretty sure they have never told me no. Did I mention that she is my best friend's sister and I have known her pretty much forever? That my best friend comes up here from 2 hours away and does the same for me. Yep that family. In terms of friends, I know that I have some very rare gems :) The fact that those same people have children that are kind, carefree and well just plain rambunctious boys...even better!