Sometimes out of nowhere, things can still just reach up and slap you.
I had to fill out health forms for both of us for Munchkin to attend day camp. On his form, I had to fill in his father's name. I did and then I put deceased. It is how I fill it out. I can't bring myself to leave that form blank. It feels wrong and it hurts. My hand hovers over the page and the tears filled my eyes. I took a deep breath and a wrote the word. "DECEASED" in my neat half printed/half cursive handwriting.
My breath catches in my chest every time I have to do that. Munchkin has three different camps which means I likely have to do this two more times. It isn't the form that hurts so much, but it is the reminder that Robert is dead. That Munchkin doesn't have a living dad and that I am doing this all on my own. It is the knowledge that there will be a question from someone in charge, that is generally accompanied by the "pity face"
You know the one that looks at you like you are a wilting flower that needs to be saved. Or maybe it is just me that feels this way? I don't know.