Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Health Forms and a sucker punch

Sometimes out of nowhere, things can still just reach up and slap you.

I had to fill out health forms for both of us for Munchkin to attend day camp.  On his form, I had to fill in his father's name.   I did and then I put deceased.  It is how I fill it out.  I can't bring myself to leave that form blank.  It feels wrong and it hurts.  My hand hovers over the page and the tears filled my eyes.   I took a deep breath and a wrote the word.  "DECEASED" in my neat half printed/half cursive handwriting. 

My breath catches in my chest every time I have to do that.  Munchkin has three different camps which means I likely have to do this two more times.  It isn't the form that hurts so much, but it is the reminder that Robert is dead.  That Munchkin doesn't have a living dad and that I am doing this all on my own.   It is the knowledge that there will be a question from someone in charge, that is generally accompanied by the "pity face"

You know the one that looks at you like you are a wilting flower that needs to be saved. Or maybe it is just me that feels this way? I don't know.