Friday, September 14, 2012

God is There

Funny. They say hindsight is 20/20. When you look back over things that have happened to you, you can see things that you didn't realize the importance of at that time. You can see all the ways that God has shown his hand in your life.

The morning of March 30, 2008 was a beautiful, warm Texas morning. The sun was bright, the dew was heavy and the bluebonnets were in full bloom.

We had a leisurely breakfast with friends. We got to visit with people that we rarely got to see. Lots of laughs, hugs, handshakes and prayers. We were full and we were blessed.

One of Robert's childhood friends came all the way from Georgia. Father Paul and he went to the same church when they were children. Msgr Reagan was a mentor for both of them and Padre, as we called him, is currently the pastor of their childhood church. It was a blessing for us to spend what we know now was Robert's last day with him. The two of them shared some very profound conversation and Padre blessed our family.

Before we pulled away, our friend Ray hugged me, rustled munchkin's head, shook Robert's hand and told him "if you run into any problems buddy, I'll be right behind you". He died six months later. Hindsight.

We drove. It was dewy. We stopped for gas, I changed munchkin. I handed munchkin to his father and I went inside. When I came back out, he put his arm around me, and told me I was a wonderful mother. I bent down and out munchkin into his carseat. He was a happy bubbly baby boy. He kissed me softly and told me he loved me. This was how we treated each other every day. I am very blessed for that.

We got in the cars and continued on. A little while later it started to rain. He used the Walkie talkie to say he would take the lead and said "I love you". I said I loved him too.

Not five minutes later, our lives shattered. He was in a head on collision. The debris totaled my car. I had no steering, no brakes and my car was veering toward the ravine. My car stopped perfectly on the side of the road. God did that. Munchkin and I did not have a scratch. My door was crumpled, my dashboard came into my car. I had not a bruise, not a scratch.

Robert died instantly. God spared him from pain and suffering in the final minutes of his life. His last minutes on earth were filled for the love of me. I am blessed.

We were hours from home. I have an aunt and uncle in Dallas that had retired to Florida a year prior. Their house was not sold so they were there in Dallas and came and got us. God was there. Their house sold very quickly after the accident.

Our friends were not with us....God spared them the horror of witnessing that, but had them close enough to get to my side. God was there.

Two cars...we were in two cars. When we had left home days before, we were all in one car. As we backed up, I looked at the car seat. It was not PERFECT in the backseat. I
I asked him to pull back in and literally at the last second we made the decision to be in two cars. God was there. Never in almost nine years of marriage in all of the road trips that we had taken, had we ever taken two cars. This is key. I am here today because God guided me to be in a separate vehicle.

There was an older couple that morning. Instead of going to church the felt called to take a drive and enjoy the bluebonnets. They stopped. They prayed with me for hours....literally hours. When I was allowed to leave they drove us up the road to meet my friends and await my family. That was God. He put faithful people in my path to remind me that he was there. While I was physically and mentally shaken to the the point of barely being able to speak, my faith was not shaken. I am grateful.

In writing this I am hoping that people can see as I do, that literally in the darkest of time, if you look hard enough you can see God's actions.

In the days, weeks, months and years since that fateful day, God has been there at every juncture. I have been shown so much of God's love and God's grace that it is far too much to even list. One of my favorite quotes is "The will of God will not take you to where the Grace of God cannot protect you". That is my mantra. I tell myself that if God has provided for me in the darkest time of my life, then surely if I trust in God with patience in my heart then it will all work out. I also know that God gives us what we need.