Parenting is hard...ask anyone who is a parent. 24/7/365. I truly think that it is a team sport by design. You have your spouse to laugh with, cry with and tag team.
Somehow that gets skewed unfairly when you are widowed. There isn't anyone there to tell you to take a break, to laugh with, giggle with or remember with. You can't pass back and forth the "bad guy" jobs....eat your veggies, stop throwing your peas, use your inside voice, do your homework...etc, etc, etc.
But parenting is fun. It is my most favorite thing about my life. I love being a mom. I love reading with munchkin. He reminds me to enjoy every day by showing me his awe and wonder in the world around him. Focusing on his needs helps me to keep everything in perspective. To not dwell on the losses that we have endured.
For the most part, we do great. We work together as a family and we rock! We have our routines, we have our rules and it works.
Then there are other times....like taking him to the doctor and him having to get blood drawn. Toss in a phlebotomist who was not used to kids and needed me to hold him down while she took 20 minutes to stick him and draw the blood (thankfully she did it in one stick!!) but I am left as the ONLY parent having to hold down my terrified screaming little boy. SO. NOT. FAIR. I am the MOMMY. I am his ONLY PARENT--I always have to be the "bad guy" and there is no one there to tell me that it will be ok.
I put a smile on my face and wipe his tears, kiss his nose and snuggle-make sure he gets a Spiderman bandaid and swallow my own tears. Knowing that tomorrow all will be forgiven and we will have a new day to explore and enjoy.