I digress, those who have insomnia can attest that there is NOTHING good on TV at 3 am. Perhaps that is by design, but really when you are trying to shut off your brain, some mindless TV goes a long way! When we lived with mom and dad after the accident, I used to leave the TV on all night. I couldn't handle the emptiness of my bed and compound that with the silence of my room...well, I had to have some background noise. So now, when I can't fall asleep I turn on the TV and it usually helps.
As I was laying there willing myself to sleep I heard a song. It spoke to me.
"Lift the darkness, Light a fire,
For the silent and the broken hearted"
"There's a comfort there's a healing
High above the pain and sorrow
Change is coming, can you feel it?
Calling us to a new tomorrow. "
"STAND UP, SUGARLAND"
Wow, just wow. Those lyrics were exactly what I needed to hear. I promptly downloaded the song (Shazaam rocks :) ) and fell asleep.
So for the last few days I have been listening to the song. It is all about using your voice and standing up for those around us. I have been thinking about what it is that I am supposed to be doing. What is the lesson that God is trying to show me? Sometimes He is subtle, sometimes, not so much. Sometimes, I doubt there is purpose in my writing and sharing of my feelings. I know that I didn't start publishing until I was widowed for a very long time (relative to a lot of the other blogs out there). But here is my secret-there were a few widows that I met early on both in person and in their writing that were much farther out. They shared where they were in their journey with me and it gave me hope. It showed me that people can be ok and people can be happy and that I too could survive. Not only survive but thrive in my new life.
This is not the life that any of us ordered, however, I can tell you that there is peace, there is happiness and takes time. There are still bad days-but now for me they are few and far between. The nighmares fade with time and the memories now bring a smile. Take a deep breath, the storm will clear and eventually you will catch a glimpse of the beautiful blue sky! Just hang on and keep swimming!