I have gotten immune to writing "deceased" on forms that require Robert's name. Either that, or I just grind my teeth and get through it, with the speed and force of ripping off a Band-Aid. It hurts for a second, but if you just pull it quickly it is over. The scab is still there and the skin may be raw but, the Band-Aid is gone. I guess I have come to terms that I will be writing deceased for a LONG time to come. I don't agonize over ever form and every blank, or even shed a tear at every letter. Now, the forms that demand a second contact, those tick me off to no end. I usually write my name twice and wait for someone to question it. They usually don't.
What I am not used to is selecting my title. I no longer feel like I am a Mrs. I am definitely too old to be a Miss, and Ms. just doesn't seem right either. I guess I don't feel like a Mrs. because that is half of a pair. Like Yin & Yang, it should be Mr. & Mrs. only Mr. isn't here anymore.
The other thing is that sometimes people can assume I have a husband. Couple that with my tendency to answer questions about him in the present tense, well that makes it very confusing and awkward when I blurt out "my DEAD husband" to clarify. Yep, just send me off to the Looney bin now!
I digress. There needs to be another designation. I mean, widows have earned their stripes so to speak. We have endured and persevered through things that are unimaginable. Even in a worst nightmare, most people would not picture our car accident. They wouldn't picture all of the things that I went for that I still don't have the words to share with all of you.
I know this. Those of us widowed know this. but at the end of the day, we are still left with three choices, any of which are considered proper etiquette. So I chose Mrs.
For some reason, it just doesn't sit right....perhaps I should go back to school and get that PhD? Then I can solve it by just being Dr.-but for now, you can just call me Princess :)