Monday, January 6, 2014

Growing Older

Many people in this world bemoan their birthdays.   Some pretend that they are turning 21 or an anniversary of some other lower number.   I must confess, I never really understood it-even before Robert died.  

Now however, it irritates the crap out if me.   In my mind you are lucky to be here to celebrate a birthday!  You have been given the gift of another day, week, month, year with your family and from where I sit, that is not to be squandered. 

Several weeks ago, Munchkin was on a kick of figuring out how old everyone was.  He was asking about years people were born in and doing the math of their birthdays for both 2013 and 2014.  It was cute-at least until he wanted to calculate how old Daddy would have been.   It was a sucker punch that I was unprepared for. 

Robert would have been 39. I should be well on my way to planning a BiG 4-0 party for him.  I should be having loads of fun ribbing him about his hair getting grayer. That's what we should be planning for this year.  

Instead, he will forever remain 33.  Frozen in time and denied those years with us.  He misses out on so much around here.  He never got to see munchkin write, or go to school, or sing, or navigate friendships.   He never got to see me with gray hair...although I have quite I bit that I swear showed up on the morning of the accident.   He isn't here to cheer on his boy in sports or academics or scouting or anything else.   He isn't here to cheer me on at all.  Nope, he didn't have he chance to celebrate another birthday.  

For the rest of the world that does have he joy of living another year, please don't pick me to complain to about it-quite frankly I don't want to hear it.   Please just be grateful for the one you have. Be thankful that you don't have my perspective.  I'm too busy trying to explain the inexicable to a child.